Stain Glass Lens of the 21st Century

Tag: Death

  • Death Came For Tea

    Death Came For Tea

    Nikolay Osmachko/Pexels

    Last week Death came for tea and stayed the afternoon.  We shared in chocolate cake, sugar cookies, conversation and a few good laughs.

    One of the women of the church had arranged for a ‘Death Café’ inviting a Death Doula (someone trained to accompany the dying) to lead and encourage conversation. One may think an afternoon of discussing death would be sad or depressing but it was quite the opposite.  Our afternoon was full of stories, plans and laughter. 

    Why would we spend a lovely summer afternoon discussing death?  Because it is important we each remember our death is pending in order to capture the grandeur of each moment.  The average lifespan is around 80 years which works out to 4,160 weeks.  Or, to put it into another perspective, we each have 80 winters, 80 springs, 80 summers and 80 autumns.  To remember our death is to remember how very valuable each season is.  This remembering should cause us all to slow down, look around and savor the passing beauty.

    The stoics taught there is wisdom in reminding ourselves daily of our impending death. Seneca, one of the greatest stoics, “reminds us that death is something that’s happening here, even as you read this. The time that passes belongs to death, he says. What is lived we never get back. We are dying every minute, every second. When we hurry we are speeding that along” (The Daily Stoic). 

    May we all slow down this summer and soak in the irreplaceable beauty of each moment,

    Rev. Heather McCarrel

  • The Sum of Our Days

    The Sum of Our Days

    I had a friend die of COVID-19.  It was an awful shock; I didn’t even know she had been sick.  It all happened so quickly. 

    Death can be cruel; interrupting a busy and full life.  It is as though she was taken from us mid-sentence. 

    Her absence has caused me to ponder some difficult questions, “How much of my life have I lived?  Is it over 50% ?  Or, maybe the meter is up to 80% already?  Who can know for sure? What is the sum of my days?”  And, “Have I lived a life that reflects what I value most? Or, have I allowed worldly worries to consume me?”

    These are tough questions to sit with all alone so I shared them with a few friends and family members.

    One friend responded that he valued honesty but then quickly amended his answer with a slight grin admitting, “Well, I value others being honest with me but I know I am not always honest with others.  So, I guess my life does not reflect my values.”

     Now, to be fair this friend, who is in his mid-40s, 2 years ago did something pretty remarkable.  He left a high paying position of prestige and power and took a de-promotion because he was tired of being under so much stress. He noticed he hardly ever laughed and decided that was much too high a price to pay.  He shared that he actually doesn’t miss the extra income as much as he imagined and no one could pay him to go back to all that stress.  “In fact,” he said, “I feel bad for those left behind in the rat race; they have no idea what price they are paying.”

    Another friend answered that she values her family above all else but upon reflection confessed, “I value family but most of the time I spend with my kids my head is still at work.  I am thinking about the next project or I am upset about whoever angered me at work that day.  Rarely am I actually 100 % present with my family.” This realization hit her hard and she too made some changes.

    What about you?  What do you value?  Are these values reflected in your life? What is the sum of your days?

    As we slowly return to a post pandemic life it is time to evaluate what we want to pick up again and what can be left behind.  This moment, right now, is ripe with the opportunity to decide the sum of our days.  We should choose well, because who knows how much time is left?

    Blessings,

    Rev. Heather McCarrel

    Photo by Sunbeam Photography used with permission/Unsplash