My hairdresser has quit! I assumed the many weeks of being closed was the cause of a career change but was surprised when she shared that she simply could no longer take the abuse of customers. She said it had become a daily occurrence to have folks arrive to the salon refusing to wear a mask, refusing to book appointments or refusing to follow the COVID-19 protocols of the salon. And some of those who were able to follow these simple instructions would sit in her salon chair complaining nonstop about everything.
“Each morning I dreaded coming in and by my lunch break I felt like a weight was on my shoulders.” So, she took a full time job in a completely different field and no longer deals with the public.
She is not alone. It would seem many are fed up with rude and toxic interactions. I noticed last week a new sign was taped up at the McDonald’s drive thru. It reads, “We believe in fostering gracious behavior in our restaurants and creating a pleasant environment for both our guests and staff. Please treat our staff with respect and dignity. McDonald’s reserves the right not to serve abusive customers”
A similar sign went up at a couple of grocery stores in town and the Dollar Stores.
Let’s tread lightly. It has been a long pandemic for everyone. Yelling at the drive thru waitress or the grocery store clerk is not going to solve any of your problems. I guarantee you will actually feel worse and most definitely so will everyone who heard you. So, stop it.
Do yourself a favor and everyone around you, be kind if for no other reason than the kindness will come back to you! How you treat others is how life will treat you. As Mother Teresa said, “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”
Choose kindness,
Rev. Heather McCarrel
Minister at Kemble-Sarawak, Zion-Keppel Pastoral Charge
Photo by Matt Collamer,used with permission/ Unsplash
I had a friend die of COVID-19. It was an awful shock; I didn’t even know she had been sick. It all happened so quickly.
Death can be cruel; interrupting a busy and full life. It is as though she was taken from us mid-sentence.
Her absence has caused me to ponder some difficult questions, “How much of my life have I lived? Is it over 50% ? Or, maybe the meter is up to 80% already? Who can know for sure? What is the sum of my days?” And, “Have I lived a life that reflects what I value most? Or, have I allowed worldly worries to consume me?”
These are tough questions to sit with all alone so I shared them with a few friends and family members.
One friend responded that he valued honesty but then quickly amended his answer with a slight grin admitting, “Well, I value others being honest with me but I know I am not always honest with others. So, I guess my life does not reflect my values.”
Now, to be fair this friend, who is in his mid-40s, 2 years ago did something pretty remarkable. He left a high paying position of prestige and power and took a de-promotion because he was tired of being under so much stress. He noticed he hardly ever laughed and decided that was much too high a price to pay. He shared that he actually doesn’t miss the extra income as much as he imagined and no one could pay him to go back to all that stress. “In fact,” he said, “I feel bad for those left behind in the rat race; they have no idea what price they are paying.”
Another friend answered that she values her family above all else but upon reflection confessed, “I value family but most of the time I spend with my kids my head is still at work. I am thinking about the next project or I am upset about whoever angered me at work that day. Rarely am I actually 100 % present with my family.” This realization hit her hard and she too made some changes.
What about you? What do you value? Are these values reflected in your life? What is the sum of your days?
As we slowly return to a post pandemic life it is time to evaluate what we want to pick up again and what can be left behind. This moment, right now, is ripe with the opportunity to decide the sum of our days. We should choose well, because who knows how much time is left?
Blessings,
Rev. Heather McCarrel
Photo by Sunbeam Photography used with permission/Unsplash
This story is being shared in honour of Pride Month and also in honour of Father’s Day, it is shared with permission.
He was one of 14 youth who had gathered that morning. All were struggling with life in one way or another, and I had been asked to come and speak about spirituality.
We moved the chairs into the middle of the room, with the sectional couch making up the lion’s share of our attempted circle. Some lounged on the sectional, while others sat rigid on the chairs, and two nervously paced the room.
For the ice breaker, I had prepared a game of “Would You Rather?” Asking questions such as “Would you rather be able to fly or be invisible?” and everyone would share their answers. As we moved along in the game, I deliberately made the questions more thought provoking; “Would you rather go without your cell phone or laptop?”, “Would you rather meet God alone in an elevator or in a crowd on the street?”
This last question brought much discussion and several of those lounging sat up. One of those sitting on a chair jumped to his feet and boisterously answered, “Oh I would want God alone, he has a lot to answer for!” Many echoed similar sentiments.
I ventured to say, “You can have God alone, any time you want. Does anyone know what I am talking about?” They blankly looked back at me. “I am talking about prayer.”
After all the laughter and joking ended, I said “I am serious. How many of you have ever uttered a prayer to God?”
“I have told God to F-Off lots of time!” One youth offered, others either laughing or nodding in agreement.
After much discussion, I offered to end our time in a collective prayer with everyone helping. I started,
“Dear Creator, we know you are here with us but sometimes you seem so silent, so absent that it is hard for us to believe you even exist. Today we come to you in prayer, each of us bringing our own stuff. Please listen now as we share our stuff with you….”.
I then tossed a tennis ball to the youth beside me. After she added a short line she then passed the ball along; this happened until all who wanted to add to our prayer had done so.
I ended the prayer saying, “Thank-you God, Father and Mother of us all. May we feel your peaceful and loving arms around us as we go from here today. Amen.”
They silently got up and left the room, except one youth who had curled up in the corner of the sectional. He sobbed so loudly it seemed to embarrass him. He tried to stifle his anguish.
I moved my chair a bit closer and quietly asked “Do you want to talk?”
“I have never prayed before and it hit me in my gut. It hit me hard.” He sniffed then added “You called God my Father, but I hate my Father. He beat me every chance he got. He said he was beating “the gay” out of me. But he never did succeed; I’m still gay.”
My heart hit my throat and I almost teared up.
He continued, “If God is like my dad then I want nothing to do with him.”
I nodded, what he said made sense. Who wants an abusive and cruel God?
Quietly I said, “You are wonderfully made by a great God. You are one of God’s masterpieces and God loves you.”
He froze at the thought, trying to absorb the meaning of my words.
Continuing I suggested, “Perhaps God could be your new Father. The one who loves you deeply, never leaves you and is always listening.”
“Yeah, maybe.” He said
Then after a silent pause he added, “I like that idea. God as my Father, that does help me feel better.”
He asked for a Bible, so I gave him one marking the sections he should read first, and before we parted, we again shared in a prayer.
A couple of months later I bumped into him. He looked entirely different! His big smile told me he was well. He informed me he had his own apartment, was going to the local college and had a part time job.
“My new Father and I talk daily, I have been reading his books and you have no idea how much of a difference it has made.”
Actually, just by looking at him, I had a pretty good idea what a difference it was making.
Every year, when Father’s Day rolls around, I think of this young man and say a prayer in his honour, hoping him and his new Father are still in daily conversation!
In his book, The Little Book of Hygge: the Danish Way to Live Well, Meik Wiking from the Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen shares research on what brings enduring happiness. Interestingly, what he discovers would make the perfect handbook for those of us still living these pandemic days in places of government regulated “stay at home” restrictions.
The very word, hygge, according to Wiking, means “as creating a feeling of home. A feeling that we are safe, that we are shielded from the world and allow ourselves to let our guard down.” Wiking has discovered that what brings lasting happiness isn’t material possessions and job promotions but instead the simple things of life that create hygge in our home- lit candles, coffee and dessert, a good book, a quiet nook for reflection, sitting by the window with a good cup of tea watching the weather change, and enjoying a crackling campfire.
Thankfully, this book came into my possession just as COVID-19 was arriving back in March 2020. After reading Wiking’s findings I decided to create hygge in my home. That night at supper I announced we were about to embark on a new experiment. We were going to purposely cultivate happiness in our home despite the pandemic. Then immediately after grace was shared, I lit a candle. Every evening since a candle has been lit at our dinner table. Apparently, true hygge cannot be reached without candle light!
Also, as instructed by Wiking, I started to brew coffee just before supper with the aroma filling the kitchen. And as instructed we began to have dessert every evening. It was mandatory for this experiment to be complete, so dessert has been served daily. Sometimes it is just a store-bought cookie or, more recently, a seasonal treat as we make our way around a strawberry rhubarb pie.
The post-supper coffee has been scaled down to merely a ¾ cup as we discovered our aging bodies do not tolerate caffeine in the evening so well, keeping us up well beyond our usual bedtimes. However, that small cup of coffee has become a routine part of watching the evening news, a warm comfort as I listen to all the happenings around the world.
We also created a comfy nook in our home, a hyggekrog. This simple space was created around our fireplace and as instructed there is no technology. Instead, just comfortable chairs and a table covered with excellent books. This small space has become big in our home; a place of conversations and quiet reflection.
As we are coming to the end of this third and last lock down and nearing the “new beginning” of vaccine living, I have wondered if it is necessary to continue our hygge habits. One afternoon, while sitting around our hyggekrog, I posed the question and after some conversation it was decided that hygge living is here to stay. These simple every day practices anchor us in the decision to be happy. Happiness, much like joy, doesn’t happen by accident. It is a deliberate practice to be happy.
Besides, I think the best way to praise God is to spend our days happy with what we have been given. As Charles Spurgeon once said, “It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes us happy.”
Blessings,
Rev. Heather McCarrel
The photo was taken by Margaret Jaszowska used with permission/Unsplash
Recently, I had the privilege of visiting a lovely church. Its sanctuary is full of stain glass windows and this ministry has a rich history of being a beacon of God’s love for over 140 years. As I stood, masked, at one side of the sanctuary, a church member stood at the other side sharing beautiful stories of this beloved faith community. When it came time to leave, he looked longingly around and honestly admitted “It has been too long since I have been here. I don’t want to leave.”
I deeply understood his sentiment. Each Sunday, like so many others, I join worship virtually via the live stream from my church. Thankfully we can “chrome cast” the service to our TV screen, and together my husband and I join with others to sing, pray, and reflect. There are some advantages to gathering for virtual worship. For example, at my church the chat bar is open allowing those who join worship to share a “hello” and a bit of fellowship prior to and following each service. We can also freshen up our coffee during the service without anyone knowing! But it isn’t the same as being in the church’s sanctuary.
This pandemic living has me wondering where sanctuary can be found when one cannot go into the church building. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines sanctuary as “a place of refuge and protection.” Some have told me their place of sanctuary is a special spot in nature- either the sandy shores of Lake Huron or Georgian Bay, while others enjoy the forest canopy and accompanying birdsong. There are a few I know who find sanctuary in their gardens, watching the antics of the chipmunks while tending to God’s beauty.
Michael A Singer, author of The Untethered Soul and The Surrender Experiment, teaches that there are actually two worlds: one that goes on all around us, and one that goes on within us. He teaches that there is a power within us that pulls us upward. If we focus our inner self towards God, others, and eternity, we can create a refuge; we begin to create our own inner sanctuary.
Where do you find your sanctuary? Where is your refuge? If you haven’t developed one, maybe this pandemic is the perfect opportunity to do so!
Blessings,
Rev. Heather McCarrel
Photo by Lua Valentia used with permission/Unsplash
It has been one of my greatest privileges to serve as a chaplain over the years. My first position began in 2006, and since then I have served in several Long Term Care settings, hospital settings, a hospice and, within my own denomination. This week’s story took place during the 18 months I served as a Student Chaplain in a Mental Health Unit. It is with permission that I share this story.
I met up with some of God’s lost boys this week, those tossed aside by society but tenderly held in the palm of God’s steadfast grasp. One has dubbed me “The Spiritual Lady” and is always prepared for prayer each time our paths cross. This week he yelled from halfway down the hall, “Hey Spiritual Lady! Do you have time to pray with me?”
“Of course”, I respond and we found a quiet corner.
Before we started I asked, “Is there anything specific you want to pray about?”
“I will start the prayer and you can finish it off” he said before bowing his head and folding his hands on his lap. I too closed my eyes and settled back into my chair.
With a serious and quieted tone he began, “To whom it may concern.”
My laugh was audible but when I looked up to his earnest posture and continued prayer I knew it meant he wasn’t joking. He was set to have a serious conversation with whoever would listen.
I again closed my eyes and folded my hands. What followed was one of the most honest prayers I have had the privilege to eavesdrop upon. He shared his hopes, fears, regrets, and asked for forgiveness for a list of wrong doings. Before ending he shared in a joke with God saying, “And now I end with “eh-man” instead of “ah-men” (amen) because I am Canadian, eh?!” Then he laughed at his own joke.
All that was left for me to pray was to thank God for the gift of being present to witness the connection between God and this beloved son of his. I too ended with “Eh-Men” and we parted with a smile at the private joke shared between the three of us!
May we all take time during these “stay at home” COVID days to find a quiet corner and converse with our ever present Creator, sharing our joys, fears, regrets and wrong doings; may this prayerful time end with such a joy that it fills our days with laughter.
Blessings,
Rev. Heather McCarrel
Photo by Andrew Neel used with permission/Unsplash
Stain Glass Lens of the 21st Century 