Neighborhood Terror

There is a new addition to my backyard garden, a sculpture of sorts.  It isn’t pretty, kind awkward if truth be told but it has a most important purpose. 

It all started mid-summer when I was startled early one morning to discover a neighbor sitting rather comfortably in my backyard.  To be exact she was sitting proudly by the bird feeders looking rather pleased with herself.  Without hesitation I opened the back gate and made it clear she wasn’t welcome, “Be gone!”  I yelled while waving my arms. 

She just looked me up and down then returned to studying the bird feeders. 

Again, I said, louder than the first time, “I said be gone!” and to make my point clearer I stepped closer and clapped my hands.  Again, she simply ignored me.  So, I picked up the hose and with one squirt made my presence hard to ignore.

She ran just far enough to be beyond the spray of water, she wasn’t going to leave easily.  I then found myself chasing her down the side of the house spraying the hose wildly.  Anyone looking on must have wondered what I had for breakfast that morning.  In hindsight, I am now certain I heard some snickering as I rounded the house and found this neighbor back under the bird feeders.  I knew this meant war!

Thing is, only a week earlier I had caught my next-door neighbor doing the exact same thing and giggled at how silly she looked.  Now, I knew the nature of her yelling, running and waving of her arms.

Within a couple of days this unwelcomed neighbor returned several times.  One deterrent I discovered was putting on the sprinkler; this pleased the birds and kept this unwelcomed neighbor at a distance, but my water bill was climbing.  

One afternoon while weeding the flower bed under our front window this neighbor happened along, I stood up offering no words of welcome.  As she walked past another neighbor crossed my lawn saying, “Her name is Buttons and she has been the terror of the neighborhood all summer.”

Terror doesn’t even come close to describe Buttons! A couple of days earlier, upon hearing yells, I looked out my front window and witnessed a woman with a rather large dog on a leash; both were being chased by Buttons down the street. 

Jesus said we are to love our neighbors as ourselves but Buttons wasn’t making it easy!

So, a couple of days ago when I discovered Buttons back under my bird feeders, I knew something different was required.  Now don’t get me wrong, I love cats, but Buttons is like no cat I had ever met.  

Do you know that cats are the number one killers of songbirds?  Well, not on my watch!  This time I grabbed the hose and didn’t try to scare Buttons, but instead planned on giving her a thorough soaking.

As she darted away, I kept close pursuit and soaked her backside good. Then I devised a plan. Remembering an unused metal shepherd’s hook plant hanger in the shed, I knew what to do.

I put this shepherd’s hook in the ground positioned strategically between all the bird feeders, which happens to be about the middle of the yard and hung the hose sprayer on it.  Even with the hose off, just the sight of that sprayer is enough to keep Buttons away.  I watched as she rounded the garage, spied the sprayer, sized up the situation and decided to turn tail.

It would seem Buttons and I have come to an understanding.

So, standing up in my back yard is a large metal shepherd’s hook with the garden hose and sprayer poised for battle.  It looks rather ridiculous but as Lord Polonius said in Hamlet, “There is method in my madness!”

Later, as my husband came through the back door from work, he just looked at me, shook his head and said, “I am not even going to ask.” 

Thankfully, Buttons hasn’t returned!

Blessings,

Rev. Heather McCarrel